WAKING UP:
I woke up and immediately started grunting. No way it was already 5:30. And of course immediately at that moment my Sleep Apnea machine as I took it off started hissing as water was leaking through the hose. It took my two minutes to deal with that problem. I sat there on my bed for a minute and I instantly WANTED TO GO BACK TO SLEEP! Have you ever done that? We all have right???
Oh yeah, hundreds of times in the past have I just went back to bed. After all it is the last week Sammi has school, do I really need to work out at 6 AM? I can just start next week, right?
But then something told me just to stand up and really think about it. I HAD TO DO IT. It is now or never baby! No more excuses!
I already was a little dissapointed about Studio Red. I decided it was just too much for me. I could barely walk for how stiff and store I was. Now I still think it is excellent and I may bump my membership back up when I get to that level.
I looked at myself in the mirror and I smiled. You know, I'm proud. I'm done with the guilt. IT IS WHAT IT IS.
All that matters is NOW. What are you going to do NOW? What needs to be done NOW? I can't change the past. But the future is bright. I still have so many years. I'm only 48! I am not done.
THE GYM:
Okay don't laugh. This was a good workout for me. Like it was HARD for me. Just barely over a mile in 25 minutes. I'm laughing a little but that is just fine. You have to start somewhere! I am still dying from the Studio Red workout. I kept steadily increasing the pace and the incline so that it was a good workout for me.
After the 25 minutes of CARDIO, I did 25 minutes of weights. Oh, it all came back to me folks. All the trainers I have had, all the hours in the gym I have spent so many years ago. It is kind of like riding a bike.
And then something hit me really hard.
I LOVED BEING AT THE GYM. What the hell??? Who am I, and what have I done with myself lol. I don't like working out. But for the first time that I can ever remember, I LOVED it. How bizarre is that???!!!!
I have loved being with friends when I worked out with them, but I never actually enjoyed the workout. I have been proud of myself and of results I have received, but never really ENJOYED it. But I actually did.
PERHAPS I HAVE BEEN REPLACED BY A POD PERSON????!!!!
THE PLAN:
It is simple, I obviously need to lose some pounds to get down to 180-190. That is the first big goal. My first small goal is to get back to 250. And hell, I was 480 and got to 240 before. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I WILL DO THIS. I AM DOING THIS.
When I get to 180 or 190 somewhere in there, I can then see about skin removal surgery. Oh it's about to get crazy with floppy skin!!! I already know exactly what to expect. I will probably need 2-3 sets of surgery. Those are more painful than the weigh loss surgery. But that's okay. I own that. It is what I deal with because I abused this poor body and that is the consequence. But that is fine. I self medicated with food. It could have been worse. Again, I forgive myself for that. I did the best I could.
I don't need to look hot in a bikini etc. But I do want to be able to wear shorts. I want to be able to wear a dress. I WILL GET THERE.
